5 Ways to Stop Letting Your Emotions Run the Show at Work

-Janita Anderson

Anxiety before a tough conversation. Frustration after a bad meeting. Dread when a difficult project lands on your desk.

These emotions are normal. But as a leader, unchecked emotions don’t just affect you — they affect everyone around you.

The good news? Psychologist and workplace well-being consultant Tchiki Davis says emotions are far more manageable than most people believe. “We have a huge amount of control over what we feel and how we react to it — and just like any skill, it takes practice.”

The key is to take proactive approaches. Here are five ways to get started.

1. Pause and Respond — What Can You Control?

Things happen outside of our control — someone on your team suddenly quits, a boss moves up a deadline without discussing it with you, cuts are made to the budget, you spill coffee on your clothes right before a presentation. That is simply life.

Dr. Stephen R. Covey, bestselling author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, said: “No matter what the circumstances, what people do, or how people treat you, you can choose your response, how you think.”

How you choose to respond will affect your emotions.

So, pause. Stop and think before you act. Ask yourself: “What can I control? What will be most helpful to me and the people around me?” Yes, you can feel frustrated, upset, or anything else. The question is how you want to manage those feelings to get a better outcome.

2. Look for the Upside — Even When It’s Hard to Find

Optimism isn’t about pretending things are fine. It’s a trainable, proactive habit.

People who can find genuine benefit in difficult situations tend to experience fewer negative emotions and build stronger relationships. Start small: when something goes wrong, write down one possible upside and put it somewhere you’ll see it. In higher-stakes moments, ask a mentor or colleague who’s been through something similar — sometimes you just need someone else’s vantage point to shift your own.

One caveat: don’t force it. Some situations call for acceptance, not a silver lining.

3. Acknowledge What You Feel Without Judging Yourself for It

Emotions get louder when you fight them.

Acceptance — naming what you feel without letting it consume you — is often the fastest path to clarity. Davis puts it simply: “You can accept that you feel bad about a situation. It’s okay. You don’t need to judge yourself.”

A useful practice: write out what you can and can’t control. Let go of the first list. Proactively focus your energy on the second.

4. Do the Thing You’ve Been Avoiding

Dread grows the longer you delay.

Whether it’s a performance conversation, a difficult project, or a boundary you need to set — research consistently shows the only way through is through. The more often you face uncomfortable situations, the less power they have over you. Schedule whatever you’ve been putting off in your next open time slot. Role-play it if you need to. Then do it.

The anticipation is almost always worse than the reality.

5. Protect Your Physical Health Like It’s Part of Your Job

Sleep, movement, and what you eat have a direct — and often underestimated — impact on your emotional resilience.

“It’s not as hard as changing the way you think,” Davis notes. Start with sleep: a rough night makes every emotion more intense and every strategy harder to use. Cut back on sugar and caffeine when you’re already stressed — they amplify anxiety, not ease it. And keep exercise on the calendar. Even a short walk after a hard meeting can reset your state before the next one.

The Takeaway

Managing your emotions isn’t about becoming someone who never gets rattled. It’s about building effective habits to respond thoughtfully when you do.

Pick one of these strategies and start there. Small, consistent practices become habits for real change, for greater effectiveness — for you and everyone you lead.

Build the Habits for Effectively Choosing Your Emotions

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People course at FranklinCovey Academy offers a proven, principles-based framework for leading yourself and others more effectively — from the inside out. You will learn Habit 1: Be Proactive, which is the key habit for choosing your response and your emotions, especially in difficult situations. You will learn practical skills for forming a habit of focusing on your circle of control or influence rather than getting stuck in your circle of concern.

As you learn, you will be guided by a personal coach, who will help you apply what you are learning immediately. As you apply each of the 7 Habits and the principles and practices, you will expand your confidence and skills. Your leadership will grow, and your influence with your teams and colleagues will get stronger.

Explore FranklinCovey Academy to find this course and others designed to help you grow leadership skills, earn an industry-recognized certificate — and advance your career.